It was a lovely sunset in northern Pakistan, with cool rays of light illuminating the sand, and the whole land glittered. It was a beautiful night, and Samuel, a humble linen merchant, was celebrating the biggest deal of his career.

Samuel: Would you believe it! I’ve the contract for that new military base. This is wonderful; I’ll finally be able to get ahead in this harsh world J

Mia, Samuel’s wife: Well take care Sam, it is a military base after all, and under inspection tonight and everything. I don’t want anything to happen to you <3

Samuel: Ah, I know. But I’ve got to do this. We’ll be able to do so much more with this money, we can go to the mountains like you wanted, to see the sunset from up high in the winter J

Mia: I just want you to be safe <3. But I guess I am just being paranoid, good luck J

Samuel: Thank you J

Samuel knew his duty. He was a born true merchant, never taking a dishonest dollar and never raising his prices. So as he went towards the military base, he had that sense of pride he always had in his work. He was his own mascot, Arabic Santa. A long black beard and a joyous laugh, and linen as his signature dress. It had propelled him to status, and had now landed him this huge deal. As a present to the hard working soldiers, he decided to help them celebrate may day by dressing up.

Samuel: HO HO HO! Did somebody order some linen?!

Taraki, the guard: ARABIC SANTA! :D

Samuel: HO HO HO! Could you take me to mohammed?!

Taraki: :) Of course Santa J

So Samuel was taken to the waiting room. It was slightly less developed than the rest of the base, but still had the uplifting air of the rest of the base.

Taraki: Mohammed says you may wait in his chamber.

Samuel: HO HO HO! Merry Christmas!

Taraki: I love you Santa.

Samuel was a humble man, and so honoured to be allowed entry into the leader’s chamber. Mohammed’s wife was sitting on the bed putting her shoes on to go pick cherries in the nearby wood when Samuel came in.

Wife: SANTA!!!!!!!

Samuel: HO HO HO! And what do you want for Ramadan?!

But then.

Royal Marine: Holy Hell? Bin LADEN!!! OPEN FIRRRRREEEE!!!!!

Wife: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mohammed’s wife dived in front of the Samuel, but the marines took no notice! Samuel wept under the wife’s body as his last thoughts turned to his wife…

Tommy the Marine : Umm. I don’t think that’s bin laden.

Chester the Marine : Nonsense boi, look, he has the beard and everything.

Jimmy the Marine: Sir this beard is fake.

Chester: Oh… shit. Umm. Umm. Throw it in the sea.

Taraki: SANTA NOO!!!!!!!!!!

4 hours later

Obama: There is a 99.97% chance that the man we killed was Bin Laden. That will be all.