Okay. I like Harry Potter. The books. The movies… not so much. Especially the 4th one. Nevertheless, was I hyped up to see potter 7? Bet your ass I was. Here was the payoff for 6 movies of build-up. I had 2 thoughts. First, I was fucking there. Second, please don’t screw this up. It was okay… but I had problems with it. And here is the top 3 countdown.
3 – The waitress’ Terminator headphones moment
Easily the lowest point of The Terminator. A scene that’s impossible to watch without the sarcastic symphony of a thousand rimshots. So why did the director of the deathly hallows feel it necessary to rip it off so blatantly in his movie? Ah, the answer is obvious. While today’s average movie-goer would be happy to watch a televised autopsy, breaking up a wedding is a bit too much for them. “Whoa!” they say, as the disconcertingly named ‘death-eaters’ march into the burrow (what was that? You blew that up last movie for no reason? Shame) “that’s intense!”
So the director obviously turned to his writing crew and said “we need comic relief, guys!”
And so the writer just took a look at whatever happened to be in his hankie at the time and put it into the script. The casting crew, equally motivated, just pulled the bitch out the boring and pointless CBBC flop “the Mysti Show” (‘cos you know, kids need to be taught bad spelling) to be the scapegoat.
2 – Hermione’s Mind wiping
I can understand why Hermione has to wipe her parents mind – thank god for that lovely piece of exposition later in the film – but why do pictures of her vanish? Oh no, it’s not the whole picture, just her. By chance, her parents just so happened to be blank wall enthusiasts, so all turned out fine. But what about friends and neighbours who knew her?
Friend: So, How’s Hermione?
Parent: What the hell is a Hermione?
Friend: … your one and only child
Parent: we don’t have any children.
Friend: But … urm… ok. I have to go and… urmm
Parent: Are you okay?
Friend YES! DON’T KILL ME!
1 – Dobby’s death
GASP! The reader count-o-meter! It’s reaching critical levels!
I do not care. I must rip on this.
Without a doubt, this is the most contrived, the most pointless to the story, the most time wasting horseshit in the whole franchise.
What?! You may be saying. Have you no heart?! Well let me ask you this. Name 1 effect on the story of Dobby’s death. Take your time. Got anything? No, I didn’t get anything either. In the book and the film, nothing happens. They cry a bit, mourn a bit, drink a little and forget about him. And continue on with the movie.
Oh and the CGI. I couldn’t get the image of Dan Radcliffe, in a blue room, sobbing into a blue tissue box with a blue basketball stapled to one end.
That and the Zoidberg ad-libs.
“DOBBEH! NAOO! HE WAS WITH US AND NOW HE’S GAONN!”
“NAOO! CURSE YOU HELENA BONHAM CARTER AND YOUR FRUITFUL ACTING CAREER (SOBS)”
“DOBBEH!! WHERE WILL THE STORY GO NOW, WHERE!?!!?!!!?!!??!”
So yeah. It wasn’t a horrid death race of a movie, but it had some horrible bits.
No comments:
Post a Comment