On BBC news there are many claims that the number of students studying science has dropped. They say that unless something is done soon all hell will break loose because, quite simply, nobody will be inventing the next generation of technology that allows these people to sit in a chair all day and be fat.
At first I was cynical. I watch university challenge and honestly, I’m sick of hearing that Forbes is studying physics at some stupidly named university – like the completely unpronounceable madgelen (maud-lin) or the disconcertingly named Birmingham – every week. Plus my cousin ( www.mylifeisdaverage.tumblr.com ) might be doing geophysics at imperial. Many of his friends are doing sciences and so are many of mine. Hell, even I’m trying to do physics, so what’s going on?
There are many theories. Some say that due to Bobby’s crisps and 90210 teens are now just too stupid to qualify. Others point the finger at Beckham and Wooney, saying that they have stopped students looking for intellectual pursuits and are now exploiting new labour unemployment schemes to look for godforsaken careers at Barnsley FC.
They are all wrong.
Apart from a few, most people simply hate science. I have a loathing hatred against chemistry. At the moment we are studying water. In biology we’re looking at how a plant breathes, and once we’ve finished that we’ll be doing experiments on mouldy cheese. It’s also quite simple why people liked science fifteen years ago and hate now: Health and Safety.
Fifteen years ago Labour was not in power. Trade union leaders were starting to die and health and safety was as much a taboo as veal steak. As such, everybody sat on a spike.
However nowadays if any employer were to suggest such a thing, he would be fed to Mr Miliband’s tiger. And yes, I know that they’re not in power at the moment but they passed roughly 27 laws a day for 12 years, so they’re bound to have influence.
But Health and Safety. I did some research and found some online risk assessments by businesses. Here’s what a manager has to do now before opening his shop (or whatever).
- Study manufacturer’s data and instruction sheets
- Walk around workplace, noting hazards as seen on the HSE website and subsequent leaflets
- Talk to the staff and retrain if needed
- Study the accident book
- Record who could be harmed and how by hazards
- Compare existing precautions with those in the HSE guidelines
- Set a H&S Manager
- Have monthly meetings regarding H&S
To take this even further, I have done a risk assessment of my workplace (i.e. my desk) and have shockingly found the following:
- My keyboard is not height adjustable
- I have no wrist support
- I do not have a mouse-hand rest
- I do not have satisfactory back support
- Worst of all, I do not… HAVE A NOTES HOLDER D:
E...GAD! It appears the soaking wet hand of danger has swiped down upon the burning passion of… internet blogging! May the bucket of health and safety catch this horrible falling torrent of POTENTIAL INJURY!
Seriously though, these risk assessments are as pointless as they are phenomenal. Motor repair store: 5 pages. Office cleaner: 2 pages. Parking attendant: 2 pages. My favourite is the charity shop, 4 pages.
The crap in this one is absurd. While sorting donated stock, staff must wear protective gloves in case they hurt their hand on a sharp object (since we all donate knives to Oxfam). Before moving objects, the manager must train them in pulling and lifting. In fact, the manager has to do all 11 (with many sub-clauses) things on the risk assessment.
The training is worse with office work. Staff must be trained to “sit in the chair properly, so their back is supported. Staff must change position regularly.” “Staff must be trained in correct use of the keyboard.” And pricelessly: “Staff must be trained to adjust monitor brightness and blink regularly.” Staff must be trained to blink. Golden.
You get the picture. With each staff member being dragged away for training it’s a wonder we’re only in a recession.
Oh, I was talking about university placements. Err, fuck New Labour.
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