Normally when I write this I like to research the topic I’m writing about, and there’s a very good reason for this. If I write blind about something I will get yelled at by a suddenly over-passionate fan about how I got the back story of unnamed supporting character number 5 wrong. Last time I was shouted at for getting some vitally un-important character in Death Race wrong… somehow. So to avoid this mistake, I have done tonnes of research about this week’s topic: The Libyan Revolution.
You have no idea how achingly boring some politics can be. You’d think a story about mass rioting against a fierce African dictator would be awesome right? Images of John Conner kicking the living man shit out of Sam Worthington come to mind in this epic tale of Good vs. Evil that spawned Star Wars and Genesis of the Daleks. Well my research has even compassed “A Guide to International Relations. Third Revision by Chris Brown.” For all those people who thought War and Peace was a long-ass piece of crap had better think again. This book even made Darth Gadaffi seem boring.
I have even given Twitter my mobile number so that BBC news can alert me at any time of the day, anywhere, about breaking news events. Christ knows what twitter’s going to do with my phone number, sell it to a Nigerian burglar probably. But the important thing is the research. So what the hell if I get robbed in the small hours by a large black man with a kitchen knife.
In fact, after realising how past the (non existent mind you) deadline I was with these things, that I actually gave up a whole French supply lesson of uninterrupted sleep so that I could write this. It’s not easy because the bitch keeps coming to me asking me where my work is. So to keep this discreet I am writing this on the easy to hide disposable tissue. 12 of them actually, so if you’re reading this, you owe me fucking tissues. Lemon soft please. 30p a pack from Mothercare Wimbledon.
Hmm. It appears I have run out of space.
Next week: The Libyan Revolution
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